Happily Ever- Keh! Whatever
by LaraWinner
Summary: Three years is an eternity to exist in a state of stasis, with no motivation to move forward and the inability rewind time backward. It does, however, give a guy a chance to account for every wound, given and received. It also gives him plenty of time to figure out how to fix them, assuming life resumes…


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Inuyasha.

**Happily Ever- Keh! Whatever…**  
By: Lara Winner

* * *

Inuyasha glanced up at the sky and noted the slanting angle of the sun with a practiced eye. There was barely an hour left of sunlight before the sky would dim and then dusk would set in bringing with it the chill of an autumn night.

It had been a long day. Long, but productive.

"Thank you Inuyasha-sama," Toshi, the village headman, said with honest appreciation, "With your help today we have finally caught up with the last of the harvest. It would honor me if you would accept this offering of gratitude."

Inuyasha looked down blankly at the large jug of sake thrust into his hands, then back up at the man before him. "Uh… okay."

"It's not much but I thought it might help," the man explained kindly, sympathy oozing from his voice.

Inuyasha bristled, hating the thought that anyone dared pity him and the situation he found himself in. It was no one's business but his own, certainly not gossip fodder for these weak and nosy humans.

"Oi! I don't need-"

Toshi cut the hanyou off with a stern, yet knowing glare. "My wife died two years ago. I have responsibilities that take precedence over my grief but sometimes a man simply has to face his feelings and this will help."

First instinct was to keep arguing but the familiar sadness that laced Toshi's scent gave Inuyasha pause. Maybe the older man was right. He was steadily running out of distractions and his diligent trips to the bone-eater's well no longer offered much comfort. What could a drunken stupor hurt?

"I ain't sayin' I need this or anything but if I'm gonna get shit-faced then ya might wanna give me another one."

Toshi arched a brow in amusement and his sudden grin made the wrinkles around his eyes and the gray at his temples less prominent as he chuckled, "That I can do."

* * *

The thing about sake, like most alcohol, was once he got it past his nose and down his throat, it wasn't so bad.

Taking liberal swig, Inuyasha leaned his head back against the lip of the old wooden well and savored the warmth that spread from his throat all the way through his torso. He wasn't sure if the alcohol would dull the edge of his loneliness or take away the sting of remembrance but it was worth a shot. At this point, anything was worth a shot if it would keep his mind from running in painful circles.

Perhaps getting drunk didn't need an excuse? Inuyasha eyed the first harmless looking jug speculatively. No, he preferred to have a reason that didn't exonerate his shredded heart. Ahh, a toast then. So… what to drink to?

Two faces, one solemn and the other grinning cheekily, settled to the forefront of his thoughts. So it was going be to one of those nights, eh?

"Kikyou," the hanyou lifted the jug and tipped it to nothing in particular, "here's to hoping that you've finally gotten the peace you always deserved." He took a large gulp of sake and winced as it went down like a mouthful of fire. Taking a deep breath, he continued a bit hoarsely, "And to you… wench," it hurt too much to say her name, "here's to the day I'll forget all about you or die trying." He took another large gulp and then another before attempting to breathe past the flames.

Four months.

Twenty-three days.

Six hours.

He could probably count the seconds if he really felt like being a masochist but at the moment he was finding a measure of peace in the artificial warmth. Maybe coming to the well hadn't been the best place to do this. Of course it wasn't like he _she_ wasn't going to be on his mind even if he'd stayed in the village or gone off into the forest. Inevitably _she_ would disrupt his peace and quiet with her absence. Damn wench!

Inuyasha sighed and took another long drink from the jug, enjoying the burn. At least tonight wouldn't be a "bad night'". That usually ended with bloody knuckles and piles of downed trees.

That first month had been a series of one bad night after another. He told himself that he was happy that she was safe. He tried to reason that he wasn't the only person who needed her. She had her family and her silly friends to return to. He had kinda suspected all along that he was only borrowing her. She had a life to return to that didn't include a hanyou with emotional baggage.

For the most part that reasoning worked when he was occupied with helping the village, his friends, and even assisting Kaede. But at night, when he had only his musings for company, no amount of reasoning could stem the crushing feeling of suffocation. And so he was left with only the regrets of chances not taken, words that remained unspoken and the one dream he'd dared to hold close ripped away cruelly by time itself.

On second thought, he deserved to get shit-faced… like every fucking night. Chuckling darkly, he downed more of the liquid heat.

So if there was one thing he could change, what would it be? If he could correct one regret, which one would he chose? There were so many…

_I never would have said Kikyou's name and activated that damn resurrection spell._

Yes, that would be the first in a long list. In a way it would have also eliminated the source of several other regrets. A major one being the fact that he could have spared Kikyou the torture of dying twice. Another equally painful consequence was the stricken look in _her_ eyes that she always tried to hide from him, but he knew -had always known because it hurt him as well- that every time he went to Kikyou it broke her heart that much more. And all the 'what if's' that could have happened between them if he'd been free to act on the feelings _she_ inspired within him…

Inuyasha clutched the jug in a white-knuckled grip and took another drink. As the alcohol spread another wave of warmth though his chest, dulling the twisting and tearing sensation in the vicinity of where his heart should be, an unbidden memory began to surface.

_They were in Kaede's hut, just the two of them. He jumped and landed silently on the roof so he could get comfortable and eavesdrop on the two young women talking below._

_"I'd throttle him. I'd take Hirakoutsu and knock some serious sense into him."_

_"Sango-chan, it's alright. I'm okay."_

_"But how can you say that? He left you to go to that walking clay-pot again, and after he promised he wouldn't too. What if something had happened?"_

_He couldn't stop the defensive snarl that rumbled in his chest. He had to go to Kikyou. He didn't want to break his promise- Fuck it! What the hell did Sango know anyway?_

_"But nothing happened, so no worries. Besides, I never held him to that promise. I knew he wouldn't be able to keep it."_

_His ears drooped and his shoulders slumped. I'm sorry Kagome…_

_"Two-timming jerk!"_

_"Stop it Sango-chan. This is more complicated than that."_

_"Maybe so but still... I wouldn't be able to forgive him. I mean, well... you can't tell me it doesn't hurt."_

_He almost fled, almost, but no matter how painful the truth was he refused to run from it like a coward._

_"It does. It hurts a lot," Kagome sighed, "But he's not doing it on purpose. He doesn't want to hurt either of us, but unfortunately there's no way to avoid that. He can't stop loving her and he feels guilty for caring about me. It's why I can't really stay mad him. I chose to stay knowing that she would be his first priority."_

_He found it hard to draw a breath._

_"Kagome-chan..."_

_"And if he could abandon her so carelessly, after everything that's happened just because it would be the easier thing to do, then he wouldn't be someone I could care about. I understand that he can't chose how he feels because if he could then those feelings wouldn't be real."_

_While Kagome's words were honest and hit closer to home than he dared admit, they still sounded like an excuse he didn't deserve._

_"I never thought about it like that." _

_"Could you leave Kohaku to face his fate alone if Miroku-sama asked it of you?"_

_"That's a little different. Kohaku is my brother not my rival and Miroku has more to lose than any of us-"_

_"What I mean is, if Miroku-sama had no personal stake in this conflict and his only concern was for your well-being, could you walk away to please him and be happy knowing that you didn't see things through."_

_"No. I wouldn't."_

_"And if Miroku loved you, would he ask it of you in the first place?"_

_His heart lurched with guilt and affection. _

_"I get it, I do, it's just so... sad. You're too kind."_

_"None of us knows what the future holds. However things resolve between Kikyou and Inuyasha the only thing I hope for is that he lives. That's all I want for him is to have a chance at a better life. I'm happy with that. And it's better if Inuyasha and I don't become too dependent on each other because I'm not sure I'm meant to remain in the past. Once all is said and done I can't forget that I have a family and a different life to return-"_

_He was a coward and didn't stay to hear more. _

Blinking away the pesky moisture in his eyes, Inuyasha came back to the present and scowling into the darkness, took another long drink of sake.

Maybe he should have stayed that day and listened to what was said. _She_ was practically admitting she wanted to return home and he hadn't wanted to see it. He should have though, it may have given him some kind of warning. And not for the first time he had to wonder if the well closed because _she_ wanted it to. Because, in the end, she didn't want to remain by his side.

After all the promises he'd broken, he could hardly blame her for breaking hers.

Tipping the jug once more to his lips, Inuyasha drained the rest of the sake relishing the awful burn. Then he surged to his feet and chucked the empty container as hard as he could. Swaying, slightly unsteady, he listened and smirked when he heard the jar shatter far off on the distance. Snatching up the second jar of sake, he gave the useless well a contemptuous glare and then set off into the trees.

Fuck it! What was done was done. _She_ was gone and nothing short of a miracle could bring her back. And he no longer believed in miracles.

* * *

**A.N.-** This is an idea playing in my head right now. I don't know how many chapters there will be since this is not a structured story but just a collection of individual instances during Inuyasha and Kagome's three year separation and possibly extending a little after her return. I'm not going to promise regular updates since I'm writing this as inspiration hits. I rated it M for language and possible adult themes that may present themselves here and there.

Enjoy and review, my muse demands it!


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